For Your Eyes Only

最近心情沉重了许多。但不知道为什么不觉得暴躁，反而还是平平常常的这样。

感觉上。。。不是个很好的预兆。

说成熟。。。似乎是假象；说暴风雨的前夕还差不多。

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 11/17/2010 11:58:00 PM 0 comments

At the start of 2010, I'd like to thank God

For so many things, on so many occasions and situations I have God to thank for my imperfections so that I would have things which I could improve upon them and feel empowered, enriched and that I've actually lived with purpose and meaning.

Everyday I pray that God grant me wisdom and that's about the only things that came true thus far, but it's also the same thing that makes me feel that everything I have done have been childish and has no end in terms of the improvements I have to make.

Nevertheless, I cannot thank God enough, whoever he is, and I sincerely apologize to people I've offended. Although I can't guarantee it won't happen again (mentioning that I'm imperfect is an understatement actually, because I know what an asshole I was borned and became to be), I'll try to be a better friend, employee, son and in the future, a better employer, manager, father, husband above what have been mentioned.

2010 is going to be a darn good year.

Best

Sunny

P.S. Can't really think of a closing statement, so I'll just end off with one of the greatest lessons I've learnt from the late Jim Rohn, "Work on your job and you'll make a living; work on yourself and you'll make a fortune". However, I've always tried to find a balance between financial support and contentment so this is what I'll say instead, "Work on yourself and you'll make your dreams come true" with humility and sincerity at the foundation of everything. Invest in yourself, reflect, react and re-evaluate upon your actions. All the good things in life are on the higher shelves; better health, happier relationships, greater wealth, and to get to them, we'll have to stand on the books we read. Every book we read, and every time we reflect upon ourselves, we get one step closer.

Many times I question myself the importance of wealth and I think I finally have gotten a clear look at the center piece of the puzzle of why is it necessary. Last month Landy got hurt badly twice and the whole family was oblivious towards the situation, and I, was eager to help, had no money and private transport to bring him to the vet. Yes, it's no use to have money and no love, but at the same time have you felt the helplessness that tears you inside, that you aren't able to provide the most basic form of help and or protect the ones you love in times of need?

Contentment is fundamental to happiness, but don't use it as an excuse for mediocrity, something that I've done unknowingly until now. It has always been an excuse for me to conceal the fear I have that comes with working hard and when taking on new challenges. Hence, it's also until now that I understand the meaning behind the saying, "Mediocrity is the most selfish pursuit". I was really selfish for not wanting to challenge myself, I even forgot my motto of "Others above self", one that I had since I was 17. Really, we don't live this life for ourselves. Do you want to have nothing to teach and nothing to give to the people who matters to you most?

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 1/06/2010 10:02:00 PM 1 comments

I hid myself away on the month which would be my fourth. Absolutely futile.

Emptiness completely paralyzes the ability to resist, as it takes its time to consume.

Every bit of trauma neither goes away nor are they gotten used to; 'limit' loses its significance as it takes its time to feed on the soul.

The helplessness. The muted screams.

==================================

As vivid like it was just moments ago, the last time I dreamt about you, I lost you to death right after I've got you. Last night once again you were with me.

Dawn breaks and rationale however iterates that illusion afterall, is what it is.

Wishing, hoping and praying every single day for the pass four years, and when THAT something you hold so dear slips PASS your hand, the feeling just sucks.

助けてよ～

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 10/28/2009 09:03:00 PM 0 comments

Seriously. Why would anyone who understands Chinese name a song called "白白的"? Probably he's not seen the Burger King 7in ad kena slammed. Absolutely distasteful way to get listeners.

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 10/12/2009 11:16:00 PM 0 comments

I probably do not know how to put across this draft concept that I have just yet, but I have to pen it down somewhere collectively with my other nonsense as I tend to forget such things. But anyways, thinking back, things hasn't been turning out right ever since I begin to think about things other than marbles and playgrounds, and more profusely so in recent years. Be it family, relationships, life goals etcetra, it seems that the causes of these problems have been because of my (perceived) bargaining power. It was that I was given priority, availabilty of substitutes and choice, that I abused my power as the king of a paper castle and neither committed my efforts to anything nor cherished anything. Rational behaviour has killed me this time.

And I guess there wasn't a mantra that I followed closely. The lessons I learned were all big, generic, utopian. It's time I gave myself one that is concise and relavant.

I say, "There's no substitute for what you believe in. Go for it now and nothing else." At least it sounds ok to me now. Like I've said, it's still a draft concept.

I don't care if what I believe in eventually isn't what I want, but at least I don't want to leave regrets. I don't care if it doesn't take me high; you don't need to climb a mountain to get a good view of how far you've come. You can travel laterally to see the same.

Finally, we will built that house together.

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 9/03/2009 11:07:00 PM 0 comments

つみきのいえ La Maison En Petits Cubes - Kunio Kato

La Maison en Petites Cubes from dorsumi on Vimeo.

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 9/03/2009 09:28:00 PM 1 comments

Just spent a hour on a webinar with Mr Drayton Bird last night. Posted a comment and he gave me a short answer that was worth more and gave me more motivation than all the dry books I've read put together. Hell, life is so much fun looking forward to.

"If you think this (gaining knowledge) is expensive, try ignorance."
- Drayton to Joao.

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 7/16/2009 11:17:00 AM 1 comments

Famicom characters have special moves and humans have killer quotes. Master them, and they will serve you well in needed situations.

posted by Your masochist, Sunny @ 6/22/2009 01:19:00 AM 0 comments